From I was a kid and was forced to mix and mingle with other kids because of school, my happiness was always a compromise. I was always bullied, I had to tag behind other kids whose family are friends of mine, I wasn’t able to speak freely or to speak without being interrupted, I was always told no or to wait and sometimes I’m forgotten, I never got things upon request, others would find fault if I’m too stingy with food for instance, and the list goes on.
I’m an introvert, therefore I do not talk much, I hardly go out, and I’m solely focused on guarding myself the best way I possibly can. As I got older I realized that although I was belittled and was deprived from talking freely, I had to find that spark in me that will prompt me to talk about a topic I love, or public speaking for school, church, or organized groups. So you might guess that I must have had a huge problem being successful in that aspect, and you’re so right. I’m now an adult and a university student, and I still struggle with that. Do you know those strict adults who would reiterate in your mind growing up that you should only “speak when you’re spoken to”? I would get offended when I was told that because I hardly spoke and I’d only speak when it was necessary and/or when I’m spoken to, literally! Perhaps those “necessary” times probably made me seem like I talk too much. Still today I’ve been slapped in the face when people exclaim at the fact that I talk too much. So what do I do? I revert to my quiet space, and this is now mistaken for me being sensitive. I am sensitive, but not about petty things. My mental capacity has allowed me to look far beyond what the eyes can see, so I often times put my feelings into things to determine how to react, if it is necessary to react and so forth. But even after thinking about it, (and this is literally me) I’d end up not doing anything about it. And it’s not because I do not care or I’m being malicious, I’d end up forgetting about it until the situation arises again, and like a cycle, I’d rethink it, plan how to treat the problem, muster up myself to do it, then my brain crashes after all that work and I’d forget.
I have mastered the art of ignoring drama, but I hate when someone starts it with me. I’m only human so I will retaliate in the moment. But the bickering back and forth won’t diminish the matter, so I have to gather my thoughts and stop so that there can be a calm. But if you know people, you’d know that the other party/ies will take what they want from your switch into being calm, as a means to say that you’re upset. With that analogy, I am expected to work things out when really and truly there is literally no problem. Therefore because of minor misconceptions and the role that I have to play, I’m the one to put on the best face and take up the responsibility to mend things which were never or should’ve never been broken, hence my saying, my happiness was always a compromise.
Even though I have always been placed in these situations, I still manage to suck it up, which includes taking the ‘L’, praying about it, pay respect due, and move on. That’s literally how I have been living my life. Most days I am miserable but there’s more to life than self pity.
What I want you to take from this is, compromise is good, especially if you’re the one dealing unfairly with others. We do not know or understand another person’s background and what they are battling with, so choose to do the right thing and take responsibility for your own actions.